Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
