I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
