and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
