So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
