I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
