Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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