Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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