Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
