so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Houston, we have a blender
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
