I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
babies were throwing up all over the place
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
