Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
