I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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