he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
