Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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