yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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