So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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