I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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