Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
