my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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