they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
