I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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