I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
