my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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