i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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