Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
