remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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