Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
