She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
