What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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