Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
