anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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