i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
