Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
