Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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