"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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