i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
