I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
