So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
