One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
