Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
