I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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