not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
