ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
