if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
