Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize