I think i peed on brittanys purse
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
