It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
