All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
