I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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