my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
