I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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