Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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