My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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