so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
