man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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