I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
