The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
