Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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