Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
