His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
