My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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