I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
