So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
